Take my hand and join me in a rant on why the word “needs” has got ta go…
The most obvious reason “needs” needs the keys to the street is because of cliché marketing. As a marketing copywriter and thus, someone who studies marketing, every time I hear the words “needs” used in marketing, I lose it. And I guarantee, once you start paying attention to it, you will to.
Watch a commercial (especially a local one – ugh – just because you own your own business does NOT mean you should be starring in your own commercial). Start paying attention to how many times you hear the word “needs.” It will drive you nuckin futs.
“For all your fireplace needs.” No.
“For all your real estate needs.” NO.
“For all your commercial loan needs.” F*ck no.
For starters, how many f*cking fireplaces is one person ever in need of? When you slap the word “needs” on something, it implies I need a whole f*ck ton. How many houses do I need? Unless I’m a billionaire, probably one. And unless I’m a franchise owner, I probably only NEED one commercial loan.
I’m so over people and their f*cking “needs.” One that really makes me grind my teeth is when people say, “My needs weren’t being met.” Insert puking emoji here. When you’re an adult, your needs are your f*cking responsibility, plain and simple. When you’re two, this MIGHT be a legitimate thing to say. You need someone to feed you regularly and to change your crappy pants. But as you mature, your “needs” are YOUR responsibility. And if you’re not getting the things you “need” from other people, it’s your responsibility to say so. So I don’t want to hear about your God damn “needs,” unless it’s got the word “I” in front of it, as in: “I need to get my shit together.”
The last usage of the word “needs,” and by far the worst, is when someone wants me to do something and starts a sentence with “You need to….”
Hmmm. Do I?
The answer to that question is — more often times than not– “no.” It’s typically not something I need to do, it’s something some control freak is TELLING me I need to do because THEY want it done. “You need to have 15 copies of that ready by Friday’s meeting.” Suck it Trebek, I don’t need shit.
So let’s address that. What do I really need in life? Food. Air. Water. A good man. Cool kids. A decent job. A roof over my head. AND PEOPLE TO STOP USING THE WORD “NEEDS.” I’m fortunate enough to have all those things, minus the last one.
Here’s a list of the things I don’t need: More than one fireplace, more than one house and I sure as f*ck don’t need to have 15 copies of anything ready by Friday.
Feature image via Flickr
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