As a work-from-home-contractor, my “office” (OK, desk) is located in the same quadrant as the TV – meaning I have a new exposure to daytime TV that I never had before. Even before Barbara Walters started bemoaning The View’s suck-factor, I had started to take notes on a piece that was going to be titled, “WTF is going on with daytime TV?” Here is a rundown of daytime TV shows that are ruining our lives…
Local morning news
My boyfriend and I like to check out the local news for the weather report so we know how many layers we are going to have to heap on during this Artic freeze. But does that mean that the news channel has to take us “live” to other parts of Montana, where some poor young woman is forced to stand outside in the brutal temps – at an ungodly hour – just to confirm what we already know? That Satan is having his way with the thermometer? No. These “live” reports are filled with painfully obvious tips about cold weather like, “Drive carefully!” “Look for snow and ice” and “bundle up.”
National morning news
And speaking of filler, I’d rather watch the stall tactics of my local news channel than the thinly veiled filler of national morning news shows. God save the world from commentator banter! The exaggerated smiles, the gratuitous laughter and the decidedly unwitty dialogue is enough to make me want to swan dive in the snowbank out my front door (don’t worry – I’ll “bundle up” first). Couple that with uninspired tips on wrapping presents (monogram paper with glue and glitter? Really? Our Kindergarten teacher called and wants her craft tips back) or a “Christmas cookie contest” and what you have is full-on brainrot.
Image via YouTube
Watching this insipid waste of time makes me long for the days when news outlets had 20 minutes to tell you what was going on in the world. They had to discriminate. They had to edit. They had to be discerning when choosing what they spent time on and how much time would be allocated, depending on the now-outdated premise of RELEVANCE.
As much as the “news” makes me long for the days when my kids watched Barney non-stop during the daytime, I’d rather watch the news on a continuous loop than watch The View. Even founder Barbara Walters thinks it sucks. I agree. I tuned in the other day to find Whoopi Goldberg dressed in a TREE SKIRT and polka dot CROCKS (don’t get me started) and listened to some childhood actor from Full House announce her departure from The View. I didn’t even know she was on the panel!
Image via YouTube
From there, we have to listen to Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar disparage Trump’s appointment of Scott Pruitt to run the Environmental Protection Agency. Regardless of where you stand on this nomination (many disagreed with the nomination based on Pruitt’s lawsuits against the EPA), I really didn’t need Goldberg and Behar to spout off, in a condescending and completely obvious manner, about the importance of clean water for our kids and grandkids. Who in their right mind would argue that? No appointment that Trump or anyone else makes to run the EPA is going to be FOR water contamination. Ugh.
Worse than that, audience members have to applaud every uninspired thing these women say! Are they doing that of their own volition? Do they sign an agreement before they take their seats saying that they’ll applaud anything these women say? Is there a neon “applaud now” sign? Are people really just not that bright? I’m confused.
I get that it’s called The View and I get that it’s difficult to find interesting subjects to discuss day after day. So here again, why not just air this banal gabfest once a week?
Anyone who’s known me for 10 minutes knows that this lady drives me nuts (my sister got one of her cookbooks for me for Christmas one year as a gag gift). I don’t really know why she bugs me. All I can think of when I see her is the bossy second grader on the playground telling everyone what to do and how to do it – at the top of her lungs.
I will say this about Rachel Ray – she’s an incredible cook (though most of what she makes is far too elaborate for this 10 second chef) and she gets talented guests. But sometimes I get so turned off by her, I can’t watch. The other day she started to make a pizza dough out of eggs and spinach, which I found fascinating, but I had to stop watching because, well, it’s hard to follow a recipe with the volume turned off – which is the only way I can watch this show.
Other daytime offenders
Really, there isn’t anything of value to watch on daytime TV until Ellen comes on at 4:00. She’s funny, there’s dancing and she gives shit away. All of these valuable tenets of entertainment are sadly lacking until then. Daytime soaps have such a low production value, I can’t watch them. Game shows make me furious because A) people don’t provide obvious answers and B) contestants only win like $500 (on Family Feud that amounts to $100 each and I guarantee people spend more than $100 in clothes, hair, makeup and gas before they even appear on the show!). Even Harry Connick Jr., whom I’m a fan of, is not helping. Yeah, the singing is great and he looks like one of the dudes on Property Brothers, but it’s just not enough to save the rest of the show.
Here, here, Barbara Walters. The daytime TV view, from where I’m sitting, stinks. I guess it will be another 10 years before I turn the TV on before 4:00.
Feature image via YouTube
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