Isn’t dating fun? Said no right-minded, straight-thinking, non-sociopath EVER. There’s all the grooming, she-scaping, telling your autobiography for the 100th time (you’ve told it so many times, it makes even you yawn) – and then there’s all the listening, caring about other people and all the subsequent drama that comes with that. You have to have the heart of a lion to date these days.
A dear friend and I were discussing this the other day. She’s in a totally f’d up love triangle and keeps asking me, “What should I do?”
The truth is, deep down, we already know what to do, right? When we’re dating the heart and the brain are in this epic pissing match, and the heart always wins. And then it doesn’t. Intellectually, my friend knows exactly what she should do. She should separate herself from this guy until he gets his shit together. She knows that. She’s not stupid. But her heart (and her lady parts) are in charge. Her heart is flipping her brain off, mooning it every chance it gets.
F*cking hearts. They never listen. They never listen to reason. They don’t heed red flags. The brain sees all, knows all and yet somehow – the heart – which isn’t the least bit smart, wins. How is that? It’s like the slowest kid in the class getting a blue ribbon for coming in dead last.
If we could all just get out of our brain’s way and let it do the work for us. But we don’t. Because we have a heart. And it won’t be denied. It’s like trying to hold back Class 5 whitewater with a 12” ruler. Completely and utterly useless. Here’s a typical battle between the brain and the heart:
Brain: He looks at other women when you’re out.
Heart: Oh, he’s just a people person. That’s one of the things I love about him.
Brain: You’re mental.
Heart: Technically, you are.
Brain: He drinks too much.
Heart: He just likes to have a good time. That’s one of the things I love about him.
Brain: I’m going to stop you in your sleep. He has a girlfriend.
Heart: He doesn’t like her that much. I’m sure they’ll break up any day now.
Brain: We’re done here.
And so the heart navigates its way through the early stages of dating, fluttering and beating fast, ignoring all the tell-tale signs, when it should be listening to the brain. The brain always knows. But like my sister once told me, “The heart is going to do what the heart is going to do.” She’s right. The brain is smarter, but the heart is stronger. As with even the strongest of bones, the heart also breaks. And it breaks hard. It hurts far worse than any headache or brain freeze we’ve ever had. It’s the brain’s way of punishing us, because we didn’t listen to it in the first place. And that is why it’s called being heart-broken, not brain-broken.
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