Sistah Diaries

Finding the humor in chaos

A pressing question for the robbers who jacked Kim Kardashian’s jewels

Move over naked selfies. When you can no longer gain public attention through nude photos of yourself, how do you steal headlines about real issues? Well, if you’re Kim Kardashian, you get $10 million in jewelry stolen at gunpoint.

I’ve thought long and hard about this recent development in what has become Kardashian culture, and I keep coming back to the same place. I have a burning question for the robbers who took the jewels. Actually, I have two.

The first is, what the hell do you expect to do with those pieces? I’m pretty sure any buyer is going to look at Kanye’s latest token of affection (a rock that makes Mount Rushmore look small) and recognize it as the ring Kardashian is always wearing. I’m assuming that the expert criminals already had a buyer who is well aware of the background story on the stolen goods. So that mystery is solved.

But what I can’t figure out, for the life of me, is why they let Kardashian-West go! They had her tied up in a chair with a gun pointed to her head. Now, I would never condone murdering another human being, even if it meant ridding the world of the most annoying symbol of mediocrity and misplaced wealth in the world.

I would however, suggest a little more planning. Had the robbers waited for Kanye, Kim and the kids to be in the hotel room together, they could have kidnapped the whole family (because again, we wouldn’t advocate for breaking up a family – even theirs) and deposited them on a deserted island. Where is the robbers’ sense of civic duty? With just a little more planning, they could have rid the world of its obscene obsession with Kim Kardashian. If only they had exhibited a bit more intiative.

Little girls could have gone back to thinking that wealth and fame is for those who have some measure of talent and who work hard – not for those who video themselves doing the nasty and then release it for all the world to see.

Young women would pursue real careers instead of wasting valuable time on SnapChat and Instagram, posting inappropriate selfies. They would embrace their looks instead of thinking they need to go under the knife until they resemble Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin. Best of all, they would rediscover that fashion goes beyond nude colored belly-baring clothes “designed” by Kanye West.

If only the robbers had a bit more foresight, they could have single handedly gotten society back on the right track. Most Americans would be so grateful, they’d look the other way on that whole $10 million jewelry heist thing. Take it. Have it. If the robbers had made the most of their golden opportunity to rid the world of Kim Kardashian and her ilk, they deserve $10 million. Small price to pay, in my opinion.

Feature image via Flickr
Kat Hobza

Kat Hobza

Festis and Festina's mom, Mateo's lady-friend, web mistress, mediocre fly-fisherwoman, sub-par golfer, brilliant dancer, expert whiskey drinker, professional smart ass and Media Empress/HBIC at
Kat Hobza

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